Being single is not a holding pattern like a plane waiting to make a land; it’s more than about waiting for the right man to propose to you. Being single is an active journey and you must prepare for marriage.
Single men and women have a lot of work to do. The Bible says “an unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit” (1 Corinthians 7:34 NIV). A single person should be busy growing and becoming a better person in the Lord.
Throughout the ages, marriage has always been something that most women covet, whether it’s because culture puts family-life on a pedestal or because the thought of planning a wedding is uber-exciting. I wonder how fulfilling marriages were when women were forced to marry at young ages. I would assume not as fulfilling as it should be because 1) love didn’t happen organically through courtship and 2) those women did not have the proper time to prepare for marriage, mentally or spiritually.
Preparing for Marriage is Crucial
When you think about how much you want to be married, you need to answer this one question, “Would I actually make a good wife?” Marriage is not something you want to jump into unprepared. You have to develop certain skills to be a great partner. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t started making certain changes in my life when I was single.
For instance, I constantly reminded myself that it’s ok to have someone in my personal space because as I began to grow personally, my time became more precious. Also, I became intentional about appreciating sleeping alone instead of dreading it. Even though I didn’t know when I would be married, I knew someday I would be, and I would have to share my bed with someone.
“One day—any day—everything could change for me,” I thought to myself. “I might meet my future husband on a regular grocery trip to Publix.” When I envisioned my future days being full with a husband and young kids running around, I knew I did not want to regret not taking full advantage of my single days.
So, I enjoyed my time with friends, smiled when I woke up each morning by myself, and I rode my bike around town, exploring life like I had no cares in the world. I had fun being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted. Most importantly, I spent a lot of time in church, which impacted my spiritual life immensely and God helped me to prepare for marriage. Here is what God taught me as a single woman:
1) “Clean Up Your Reputation”
Become someone you will be proud to share with your husband. Here’s some guidance on how to begin cleaning up your reputation and why it’s important.
2) “Don’t Seek Attention”
Be so busy loving yourself that you’re not concerned with seeking attention from other people. Don’t try so hard to attract the opposite sex especially when you know in your heart that someone is not your future husband.
3) “Make Me #1”
When you are connected to God and striving to walk in His ways, you will attract the right kind of people. You have enough time to spend with God even if you are a busy woman. Spending time with Him, is where you will find your true self.
4) “Say Out Loud You Want to be Married”
It’s ok to admit to yourself, and to others, that you want to be married someday. Do not be ashamed of this desire that comes from God. Expressing your desire will motivate you to prepare to be a wife.
5) “Read and Listen to Marriage Material”
Marriage books aren’t just for the married. Get insight on what it would take to build a successful marriage. The best book I read before I got married was The Marriage Covenant by Derek Prince. It changed my life.
6) “Be Observant of Healthy Couples”
Become aware of the tenderness and discretion displayed by married couples that you admire. Start taking notes of how you plan to treat your future husband.
7) “Consider Yourself a Jewel”
Because you are a jewel. When you realize how precious you are, you will protect your value at all costs. You will not settle for less than you deserve. I call the readers of this blog G.E.M.S: Godly women enjoying the magnificence of Singleness. That’s you.
8) “Stay Sexually Pure”
This won’t be easy for most. It most certainly was not easy for me. But it is imperative that you keep yourself pure in preparation to share something special with your husband. I recommend my book titled Single, Sick, and Sexless for advice on staying pure.
9) “Get to Know Yourself”
Become one with yourself. Let your actions, thoughts and your body speak to each other and be in sync. Your actions must match your belief system. Marriage requires a whole being, not half a person.
10) “Make Yourself Happy”
Do not require it from anyone else to make you happy. Have fun and bring others along with you for the ride. Other single women need your support, just as much as you need theirs. So become healthy in every way, including emotionally, and do not wait around for someone to do it for you.
Take your singleness by the horns and do not say sorry for the beautiful life you are creating. You are perfect right where you are as a single woman. You are full of power to change your life and your mindset about what singleness means for you. Not everyone will understand your experience but that’s okay; this journey is between you, God, and your future husband anyway. 😉
Marriage is not something you want to jump into unprepared. Being single is the perfect time to prepare for marriage and have fun while doing it.