We may think we’re spending quality time with the people we love, until we ask them. How do you make sure your husband, children, and friends feel loved?
Calling all moms, wives, aspiring moms, and aspiring wives. We all need to know what it means to spend quality time with our loved ones. They are precious gifts but sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in everyday living, just doing what needs to get done. Learning how to intentionally step away from responsibilities to spend quality time, changed the way I treat all the relationships I’m in- with family, friends, and even business relationships.
Read on to learn the secret to spending quality time.
The Day I Learned How to Spend Quality Time
On December 1, 2017, my stepdaughter called me “cool.” This otherwise would not have been anything to write home about if it wasn’t for the admiration in her eyes, the timing, and the undeniable genuineness in the tone of her voice that struck a chord in my heart. It was equivalent to her saying “I love you” or calling me mommy for the first time.
You see, she was in her bedroom playing alone when I walked in with a snack and sat down to play with her. For the first time, it dawned on me what she was trying to tell me just months before.
She was whining one evening about how we do not spend enough time with her. Feeling some type of way, I asked “Do I not sit you between my legs every week to do your hair? Do we not watch your favorite YouTube show together? Do I not read bedtime stories to you? Does daddy not take you to the park?” She responded yes to each question. “And you still feel like we don’t spend time with you?” She said “Yes. You don’t play Barbies with me”.
Annoyed, I dismissed the conversation not being able to fathom how I could possibly spend more time her with the energy reserve I currently had. I figured she was just having a moment, but she wasn’t. Playing Barbies is what she enjoys doing, I needed to meet her there to show her that I care. But I couldn’t see that then, because I had convinced myself that I hated playing with Barbies and I wasn’t willing to go there with her. I did what I was comfortable with.
But here I was sitting on the floor with her, and finally I understood. We played, she was happy I was there with her, and I realized this is quality time.
The Secret to Spending Quality Time
I learned that being in the same room with someone does not mean that you’re connecting with them. Just because you are sitting across the table from someone does not mean they can’t feel lonely. You could be cuddling with your husband while both of your minds are in two completely different spaces.
When you spend quality time with someone it means you connect with them on a heart level and draw closer to them. The word ‘quality’ is defined as a degree of excellence. It is an ideal situation that yields the most effective results. When you spend quality time with someone you walk away knowing them a little better than you did before; everyone wants to be known.
I love being in close proximity with my family — immediate and extended — but proximity is not the same as spending quality time. This is why before family functions I ask God to help us connect in a special way. I do not want to waste any good opportunities to grow closer to my loved ones.
What is Your Loved Ones Passion?
My husband loves sports. I can tell that nothing matters more to him than when I am sitting in the bleachers watching him play basketball. How can I tell? Because he notices when I am not looking. When I am at his basketball games I have the tendency to get easily distracted by my phone or what other people are doing around me because watching sports has never been entertaining to me. But it matters to him. Basketball is a part of him and if I want to know him I have to be at least mildly concerned about how it makes him feel and what he sees when he is engaged in a game.
I am going to concentrate more on following plays whenever I decide to go to his games. Or I won’t go at all if I know I’m not going to be present. But when he gets home I’m going to at least ask questions! I’m going to get excited with him as he replays the game to me, and if he is upset because his team loss I’m going to care enough to listen and encourage him. I will try my best to understand why he is so passionate about it, and by giving it a chance, who knows, I’ll might develop a interest for it myself.
Romans 12:15 says “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” And Jerry White, co-author of Friends and Friendship, writes in the chapter titled ‘Hindrances to Friendship’ that “God wants us to be alert and caring about our friends, and tuned in to their feelings and their needs.”
It’s selfish to only care about your own interests while treating your loved ones’ interests indifferently. Being insensitive or nonchalant can steal the opportunity to connect with someone in a special way that enhances the relationship.
When my husband played Madden, I tried to impart my opinion that video games are stupid by purposely being indifferent towards his decision to play. But now I will ask questions while he play and show that I am trying to understand. My questions may seem very basic and ignorant because I barely understand football but I notice that he opens up more when I tune in to what he is doing. He begins to share his victories and frustrations with me and I love that. You don’t want to be a distracted wife who’s only concerned with her own interests. To practice being present, read this post Are You Distracted as a Single Woman?
What Does Spending Quality Time Mean for You?
I even learned what it means to spend quality time with me. My husband did an impression of my reaction when he asks me “do wanna have movie night?” I always shriek “Really?! Yay!” I love when he wants to sit next to me for a couple hours to enjoy the drama, the characters and the lessons of a movie. And I love when he doesn’t complain about the movie I choose. This is how he spends quality time with me.
The secret to spending quality time is being engaged in what other people love.
How can someone spend QT with you? What are you passionate about and would hate if someone treated it indifferently? Have you ever down-played someone else’s interests? Let me know.