Is it possible to be happy, single or married? Happiness is for everyone willing to use it. Learn how to tap into it and, more importantly, learn how to sustain it.
Many people have the perception that happiness has a look. A cheesy smile, jumping up and down, constantly in a great mood.
I agree when Alfred D. Souza says happiness is “not a destination”. I believe happiness is right where you are—within yourself. It’s always there to be tapped into. Even while you are waiting for something or grieving the loss of someone or having regrets, happiness can be pulled out of the deepest parts of you.
Many people have the perception that happiness has a look. A cheesy smile, jumping up and down, constantly in a great mood. Kind of like what you would see when a person finds out they won the lottery. But those are only momentary expressions of happiness. We love moments like that- happy high moments that other people can see. However, someone can be quiet and happy or be experiencing angriness but happy overall.
It’s a matter of learning how to pull happiness out and upholding it. It is obviously harder for people with chronic depression or those who have experienced trauma to tap into their happiness. And even people who are typically happy will have a hard time at certain points in their lives. But with help from friends, family, a pastor or a counselor, eventually they’ll realize that happiness was always there inside of them. Like a well full of water, just because you don’t have a rope and a bucket does not mean the water is not there. If the water is too deep you need to solicit the right tools, such as therapy, but the water is there (all the same).
Too many people are searching for happiness in places where it is not- in a spouse, in another country, or in material things. We have all chased what we thought would be our happy place until we reached a point of exhaustion. Only to find out how much time we could have saved by just being happy exactly where we were. Happiness starts with you and being in tune with your whole being- your personality, your desires, and aspirations.
You can start that journey today if it’s calling you- A Journey to Wholeness: Activity Journal for Women.
You may not always be happy with the situation you are in, but you can still be excited about the power God has placed you (in all of us) to make changes. Sometimes we lower our eyes and sink in our seats when we see the person sitting next to us looking “so happy”. We become oblivious to the fact that they are not exempt from having problems in their own lives. But maybe they have simply found happy within themselves in spite of obstacles. Do not wish to be married like they are, or bold like they are. Do not think that to acquire their lives would be to acquire a better life. They, too, have their share of fears, losses, and disappointments. Instead, question how you will tap into your happy, despite the cares in your life.
Whether a problem is direct, indirect, or no control, we have in our hands the first step to the solution. -The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
Here are some ideas on how to change any uncomfortable situation you find yourself in:
- Change your mindset/perception. Often times we allow people or traditions to plant seeds in us about how things should be, and it affects our feelings.
- Address the issue instead of holding it in. Seek God for wisdom on how to approach a person in your life that is causing you strife. Sometimes communication can bring closure or refresh a relationship and bring growth.
- Walk away. If you can, simply walk away from anything not bringing you peace.
- Seek counsel. We shouldn’t have to weather anything by ourselves. Good friends and family, ministers, books, blogs, etc. allow other people to share their own story and make you feel less alone. When I realized I wasn’t the only one going through something tough, it freed me.
You can be happy, single or married. Happiness does not have a specific destination in life, but it does have a home—it lives in you. However, you cannot know happiness, if you do not know sadness, angriness, disappointment, and regret. And you cannot truly know happiness, if you do not know yourself. That’s what the journey of happiness is.
Notice I did not say the journey to happiness. Knowing, learning, and re-learning yourself day to day and experiencing different emotions keeps happiness afloat for longer periods of time. This is mainly because when your mind, body, and soul are in-sync, there is a feeling of wholeness and a sense of confidence. When you think happiness is outside of you, good luck keeping up.
Get in touch with yourself and your feelings. Gillian Mandich, Ted Talk speaker and promoter of living a happy life, said “When we don’t have awareness around [an emotion], how do we know to let go of [it]. Sometimes when we’re feeling a range of emotions simply the act of labeling them, reduces their effect on us. And that’s science. They’ve studied that.” Journaling, talking to trusted people, and spending quality time alone are some of many ways to get in touch with yourself. Learn to identify your feelings at any moment.
Even if you are waiting to get married, or waiting for your spouse to change, or waiting to have a child, or missing a loved one, you are never without yourself. You have to make sure you become content with yourself and tap into your happiness. Make it your responsibility, and not someone else’s. Everything else will fall perfectly into place.
I will end this post with a piece from the book Making Happy by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott:
When someone asked Eleanor Roosevelt to define happiness, here’s what he said: “A feeling that you have been honest with yourself and those around you; a feeling that you have done the best you could both in your personal life and in your work; and the ability to love others.” Mrs. Roosevelt obviously understood happiness to be an inside job.
I would love to hear your opinion. Where do you think happiness is? Do you believe it is in within you and always available? Or do you think it is something that needs to be created or sought after?
Love you Gem, Shawandie
G.E.M.S- Godly Women Enjoying the Magnificence of Singleness