It doesn’t take much effort to be a prideful wife, but it does take a lot to be a humble wife.
There’s a list of things that God hates. The first thing on that list is a proud look (Proverbs 6:16-17). A proud expression is the manifestation of a prideful heart. It’s hard to correct a prideful person because they’re magnifying themselves while regarding others as lowly.
When you get married, you quickly realize that in order for your marriage to work, you have to rid of your “my way or the highway” mentality, quickly. Here are some steps on how to practice humility in your marriage and avoid becoming bitter and selfish in your home.
Give Him the Respect You Would Want
Raise your hand if you’re guilty of listening to respond, versus listening to understand. My hands are up. Are yours? But when it’s your turn to talk, you expect undivided attention from the other party.
Learn from that. Give your husband what you want. Don’t look in other directions, don’t interrupt your husband when he’s talking, don’t even blink (I’m just kidding). The Bible tells us “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Luke 6:31). Respect not only includes listening, it includes acknowledging and apologizing when you’re wrong. Listening and looking within yourself to see how you might be wrong, requires a HUGE dose of humility. If you’re not doing these two things, it’s a sign you’re operating in pride (or you’re very, very annoyed).
So start here. Start with listening more, saying less, and looking within.
Learn to Appreciate Your Spouse’s Differences
When I think about how different husband and wife can be, I think of the stark contrast of night and day. Husband and wife are two completely different beings, with two different upbringings, different perspectives, and different ways of doing things. It can be so frustrating trying to figure out how to work as a team.
When you first got married, you probably found yourself fighting to get your own way. You want things to stay how you’re used to them, and your husband keeps messing it up. Stop and realize that he is a whole person too, with his own unique preferences that deserve acknowledgment. He brings a lot of value to your life, if only you would take the time to really think about it. You need his strength, his ideas, his talents, and more. And he needs yours in other ways. It takes humility to recognize his values and to ask for his help. Step back and see how two completely different people can come together and benefit from each other.
Be Teachable
This point closely relates with the one above—accepting differences. When you are teachable you are showing your spouse that you appreciate what he knows. A huge truth is ‘pride comes before the fall’ (Proverbs 16:18). And if you do not accept your husband’s values, essentially you decrease yours in his life. Yes, as women we handle a lot of things and help a a lot of people, but do not let your responsibilities turn you into a know-it-all, making your husband see you in a different light.
Your husband can teach you some things that you don’t know. For example, you may feel like you need to clean the bathrooms tonight. But what if your husband tells you “Not tonight baby. You had a long day. That can wait until tomorrow. Relax tonight”? He is teaching you how to let go of control, and listen to your body to prevent burnout. Or if he tells you that “you spoke to that person the wrong way”, will you listen and consider what he is saying? Or will you object and begin to treat him like your enemy? Be open to what your partner is trying to say. Read on to see what I mean.
We’re Fighting Against Principalities
This is a huge one. Please listen. When you’re in a altercation with your spouse, you see his mouth moving and hear his voice. But he is not the enemy. It appears that your husband is the offender but we often forget that satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10), and he works through people.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Ephesians 6:12
When he sees an opportunity to do so, satan will use people to cause chaos. Satan hates marriages, and loves divorces. He will do a whole number on your marriage with sheer pleasure. If we do not recognize his devious and cunning schemes, we will always blame our spouse. When you know that the devil is real and is always looking for trouble, you seek to resolve issues as quickly as possible to ensure your spouse knows that he is loved.
You Need Mercy, Too
You may have legit reasons to feel bitter, angry, and confused about your marriage. With each thought about your husband’s mistakes, you become more and more upset. But guess what? You will mess up a lot in life too. And when you do (not if), you will wish for mercy.
Show your husband how you want to be treated when you make mistakes, by humbling yourself and extending mercy to him. When we magnify even little things in our head, we glorify ourselves. We convince ourselves that we deserve better.
To learn how to escape the captivating powers of negative thoughts, stay posted for my blog post on how to escape negative thinking.
In the chapter titled “Embracing the Other” in The Meaning of Marriage book, Kathy Keller says: “let me emphasize that Jesus’ willing acceptance of this role [submission] was wholly voluntary, a gift to his Father. I discovered here that my submission in marriage was a gift I offered, not a duty coerced from me.” (emphasis added)
Creating an atmosphere of humility in our home takes true effort. Of course, defending ourselves and being sarcastic comes easier. But fighting to always be the winner in your marriage comes with undue tension, stress, tears, and pride. Choosing humility means choosing peace and choosing a happy marriage.
How can you practice being less prideful with the people in your life?
A Journey to Wholeness Activity Journal is a powerful journal that helps you look within.