I talk to myself.
Yea, girl. I talk to myself. I respond to myself and everything. Now before you call me crazy hear me out.
I have a healthy relationship with myself. Before I take my feelings out on people or vent to a friend, I pause and ask myself “Are you ok???” Because sometimes I am not. It’s the same story for all of us. Sometimes our feelings are sudden—triggered by an unexpected event or another person’s words or actions. Before running for validation of my emotions, I have trained myself to check in with myself first.
No One Understands Me So I Talk to Myself
If you have ever said “No one understands me”, you are right, and you are wrong.
You are right because we have an expectation of how we want people to know us; many times, people fail that expectation. Your inner thoughts, desires, feelings come from inside of you. No one on this planet can ever know you fully. Therapy is a great tool because it helps you interpret your feelings and behavior but at the end of the day, we have to admit that there are still grey areas of self-understanding. Though people can learn how to love us, we can’t expect them to know and understand all that we are—because if we’re being honest, we’re not even there with ourselves yet. However, we must take action to understand ourselves as best as possible because we are never apart from ourselves.
And, you are wrong about no one understanding you. People can only try their best to understand you, but you have been created by an intentional God who knows you better than you know yourself. Just like the inventor of a toy car who knows her product in and out, God knows every part of you. So, yes, you may feel like no one understands you, but God does. For this reason, it is so important to stick close to your Creator. He has created us all unique and knew us before we were formed in our mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5).
I Talk to Myself As a Form of Love
I started checking in on myself when I was single. Being in another city away from family and not having a boyfriend at certain points of my single life, helped me to grow a healthy relationship with myself. If you are dating or married, you always need to have a healthy, communicative relationship with yourself.
When I re-discovered myself in 2012 (I show you how you can do this in my Journey to Wholeness Journal), I apologized to myself (outloud) for not being true to myself. After that, I vowed to respect myself moving forward. This caused me to fall in love with myself.
Do you know what it means to love yourself? It means you no longer allow people to dictate your life (unless you have young children like me, lol). I started making decisions based on my values, and I became in tune with my feelings. To get in tune with myself, I address myself by name. I address Shawandie (that’s me) like a person that loves her. For example, “Shawandie, how are you doing today?”
Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. 2 Corinthians 13:5
Benefits of Talking to Yourself
I could have continued finding people to vent to or seeking distractions to hide my true feelings but I started doing this instead: before calling a friend or picking up my phone to scroll mindlessly on Facebook or before being mean to people as a means of expression, I whispered “Shawandie, are you okay?”
Sometimes the response was “yes, I just need something to eat” or “no, I really need a day off” or “I’m not feeling well, I think my iron level is low and it’s affecting my mood” or “I’m good. Jesus is my friend, and I can’t wait to go to the library tonight to pick out a new movie to watch with Him”.
Making a habit of stopping to assess myself and meet the needs of my inner self has saved me from a lot of confusion, destructive behavior, and fruitless days.
The Bible says make sure you “walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is” (Ephesians 5:15-17). God did not say talk to yourself, but it was my way of being aware of what I was doing and why.
Grab your Self-Discovery Journey here to learn more about the benefits of self-love
Self-Talk is Self-Care
Every day you should check in on yourself. Those self-care check-ins add up fast and make up your life over time.
In the book, 17 Essential Qualities of a Team Player, John Maxwell mentions the power of renewing yourself. I consider renewing myself as self-care. Self-care comes in so many different forms. Learning how to calm rising storms within yourself allows you to be happy and present and helpful whenever anyone needs you.
Checking with yourself should be done whenever there is confusion, threatening unhappiness, or plain ol’ moody days. Be moody for a short period of time if you must, but you also need to know why you are moody and find a solution quick.
When you know how to “check yoself, before you wreck yoself”, you are ready for marriage because problems that arise in marriage will not always be your spouse’s fault. Read 25 Signs You’re Not Ready for Marriage.
Conclusion
I still talk to myself from time to time, but not as much as I use to, mainly because I have gotten better with knowing myself. I still, of course, still check on myself, but more quietly. Every now and then, you might catch me nodding my head. In those moments, I am mentally making note of my satisfaction or I’m acknowledging what I need to do to get myself together. Talking to myself helped me become more emotionally secure; I am not afraid to process my feelings and resolve challenges that present themselves.
Comment below: I am curious to know how you check-in with yourself as a form of self-love. Do you think talking to yourself is healthy? Let me know.
If you struggle with being your own best friend, schedule a FREE 15-minute call with me today.
You are worthy with or without a wedding ring,
Shawandie