Not many people know how to be more confident. As women, we are challenged by society’s idea of what we should look like and act like. When we don’t look like the TV actress or say what’s expected, some people begin sizing us up to determine if we are worth it in their eyes.
Society also tries to tell us that it’s not ok to be single; that something must be wrong if someone is single for “too” long. This kind of pressure may come from family (especially mom) or your friends who are in romantic relationships.
Being single is not always the most comfortable position to be in. It’s easy to buckle under societal pressure and get anxious to be with someone…anyone.
It might not feel like it but being single is a decision — a decision to wait for the right man who will love you and adore you and “get” you. When you don’t stand strong in your decision to be single, you will fall for anything including your mom’s incessant nag that you get married soon (sorry mom).
You’re Worth It
My wish for you is that you will stand firm with your head held high, and that you will be happy to be who you are, as you look forward to being married someday. Being in a relationship does not validate your worthiness, God does. And it’s not your job to convince the world that you are worth being in a relationship with.
Build up in your heart that you are too precious to be taken by any regular Joe Schmoe. You deserve the best. Being single is most definitely better than being with someone who is less than the best for you.
Now let’s talk about confidence. I have single friends who tell me that sometimes they feel confident, other times they don’t. For example, when you don’t feel pretty, you feel insecure. It doesn’t matter how many people tell you positive things.
That’s crazy, right? How you feel about yourself first, can dictate how you receive compliments from other people. When you’re insecure, you constantly need to hear compliments from other people in order to survive. I, for one, love compliments. They encourage me so much (my love language is words of affirmations, after all). But I can also sit with myself and smile about who I am.
To be confident means having a sure sense of yourself and an assurance that you belong in this world. You can be confident no matter what your current relationship status is. In 4 steps, I’ll teach you what you can begin doing today to feel good about yourself in public or private. Being a confident single woman helped me endure my singleness while I waited for my husband.
1. Don’t Let Others Define You
People used to (and sometimes still do) jokingly call me a “blonde”. A “dumb blonde” is a belittling term used to call someone stupid and ditzy. At some point it affected my life. Words and judgments are powerful. It is important to know that mean-spirited words even if it’s “ just a friendly joke” come from people who are imperfect themselves. There’s such a thing as constructive criticism but, usually, hurtful words are used as a weapon to make the offender feel good about themselves.
People’s opinions are not words of truth. Once you realize that, you can begin celebrating yourself for all the things that are right with you. You are not a “blonde”- you’re quirky and cute and wise. And you are not lame- your personal interests make you happy so keep doing them. You are not shy- you have the ability to speak up when you need to and when it feels right.
Learn more about yourself and master embracing who you are in order to confidently be yourself around anyone, even on a date. At all cost, protect (insert your name here) from being changed by other people’s opinions. Your future husband will fall in love with you for who you are.
2. Confident Women Invest in Physical Appearance
Being single is hard and comes with 99 problems. Your appearance doesn’t have to be one of those problems. Investing in your physical appearance, doesn’t always mean money. It could mean taking the time to make sure you smell nice, your nails are clean, and your dress is neat.
You don’t have to spend a lot of money to look nice. One of my favorite places to shop for unique and inexpensive pieces are thrift stores. The fun part about fashion is you get to choose the style that makes you feel the most confident and happy.
Looking nice should not be for the approval of others (although, people will appreciate your good hygiene 😉). You will be the first beneficiary when you look and feel good about how you are representing yourself.
Even when your mouth is shut, your outward appearance speaks for you.
When you look nice, your hair is clean, and your breath is fresh, self-consciousness about what other people are thinking of you is greatly decreased. In turn, you can focus more on just being yourself.
3. Protect Your Reputation as a Single Woman
Your reputation is less about what people think of you, and more of what you consistently do that attracts people to you or away from you. If you constantly invade people’s privacy or if you are always gossiping, you are building a negative view of yourself. Being confident as a single woman is attached to having a good rapport with others.
I do have to say that the biggest contributor to my confidence comes from this point. No one is perfect, but when you try to have the right intentions and pursue a life of doing good, your reputation will go before you. You will have less worries about being accepted. A good reputation does not mean that people will never reject you. Sometimes they will reject you for having high standards, but at least you know you are repelling the wrong people.
To live a life that you love, just do the next right thing, over and over.
There’s a quote that says, “it takes 20 years to build a good reputation, and 5 minutes to ruin it.” We all have messed up and found ourselves living in a mess that we have created ourselves. If you find yourself trying to rebuild your broken reputation, you can learn more about how to do that here.
A good reputation also makes your witness of Jesus Christ, more impactful.
4. Volunteer Your Way to Confidence
Give your time and energy towards a cause that you care about. Why? Because it will make you feel amazing to positively contribute to society in your own special way. You are so needed in this world. It is no mistake that you are alive in such a time as this. People and organizations need you. You may be just one person, but someone’s life will be better off because of your willingness to show up.
Who would have thought that volunteering could contribute so greatly to being a confident single woman? When I was single, I volunteered with hospice services. I sat with patients who were transitioning. This was a big help for families that needed a short break as caregivers; some patients didn’t have families at all. On the weekends, I helped a woman who lived alone at home. I did her household chores and grocery shopping. We built such a beautiful relationship with each other.
Volunteering reminds you of how valuable you are in this world.
Shawandie Beale
Volunteering is a great way to use your time, or you can give financially. To find the perfect volunteer opportunity in your area visit www.volunteermatch.org.
BONUS: Sharing about the cause you are passionate about, makes for great conversation on a first date… just saying.
5. Face Your Fears and Take Risks
What’s a big fear that you have that only you or a few people know about? For me, I had a fear of authority.
As a child, I remember being very bold, but somewhere along the way I stopped questioning authority and I hated the thought of being reprimanded. Anxiety was incited at the thought of getting in trouble, and it was a heavy burden to carry.
Would you agree that your fears are heavy burdens in your life? If so, acknowledge those fears, then set out to do the opposite of what your fear is telling you to do.
Instead of making that left turn to avoid awkward eye-contact with someone, keep walking forward. Or instead of staying silent to avoid losing an argument, speak up and put yourself at risk of being wrong. Or maybe you have a fear of flying; book a flight to a short destination. If you are afraid of standing out and getting attention, take little steps towards becoming more visible.
Today, when my managers tell me that I am “defensive”, I laugh because they have no idea how far I have come to be this confident.
A lot of times, you will find that your fear is not actually dangerous. Sometimes facing them can lead to a life of freedom and more opportunities to dream.
Being Single is a Gift
Being a confident single woman will help you to enjoy the gift of singleness more. With confidence, you will walk into a room without a man on your arm and feel like you 100% still belong in the room. No one can work on your confidence for you, it’s something you have to work on personally. These 4 steps will get you moving in the right direction today.
Let me know. What is your fashion style? What is a cause that you are passionate about and would love to do more volunteer work in? How would you rate your confidence level on a scale of 1–5?