As a little girl, I thought marriage was simple, but I learned the truth about marriage as I got older.
I used to think marriage meant choosing someone you loved, doing life together, and hopefully getting the privilege of raising children together. My parents made it look effortless, and from my perspective, staying together just came with the territory. I didn’t realize that they chose each other everyday—even after their vows.
When I got married, there was still a bit of naivety in how I viewed the dynamic of marriage. I thought, “We’ve made a lifelong commitment, so it has to work, right? We don’t need to try that hard. We’re each other’s person no matter what. Right?”
Wrong.
When the honeymoon phase wore off, the harsh reality set in that marriage requires daily, intentional effort. You will hurt each other, say things you don’t mean, and build walls of self-protection that, over time, can easily erode the love you once believed was unbreakable.
Let’s take a closer look at some of these hard truths pertaining to marriage that many people do not talk about.
Time Doesn’t Heal Everything
People say time heals all wounds, but in marriage, time helps only when you build it on a foundation of mutual respect—respect for who your spouse is, for their values, and even for their imperfections. Like compound interest, a quality relationship grows and multiplies over time when you consistently show respect.
Healing doesn’t happen by accident, and time alone won’t erase hurt. You must be willing to have hard, uncomfortable conversations. When you listen to understand and make space for your spouse’s voice, you open up an opportunity for healing.
Setting aside pride to make your spouse feel valued is not easy, but consider this the growing pains of becoming one. It’s worth it in the end.
Related Post: How to Be a Humble Wife and Overcome Pride
It Takes A Lot of Humility!
If you think you’re entering marriage to exert your opinions or get what you want—don’t worry. It won’t take long before you and hubby are getting a reality check on the harsh truth about marriage.
Much like your relationship with Christ, marriage will give you countless opportunities to die to yourself. Christianity requires an incredible amount of humility to fully submit to Christ—and in many ways, marriage mirrors that same calling. The truth about marriage is that marriage asks you to lay down pride, have compassion, and love sacrificially, even when it’s hard.
Humility is one of the most attractive traits you can bring into your relationship as a wife. It’s not about perfection or always being right. You have to be willing to soften, listen, and serve so you both can win.
Though it often feels like it, humility is not a weakness. It’s peace and strength when you embrace it in your marriage.
You Won’t Feel the Same Every Day
When marriage works, your spouse becomes more than just a partner. They become your safe space—the one who makes you feel protected, secure, and truly seen.
But even in a good marriage, your feelings can shift. You’ll feel annoyed. You’ll feel misunderstood. Sometimes, you might even feel distant. And that’s normal.
Marriage doesn’t require constant bliss. The truth about marriage is that it requires a commitment to keep showing up. Just as a storm eventually runs out of rain, your mood will eventually improve. Give yourself the opportunity to process how you feel, but do not stay in a bad attitude, and most importantly, do not believe the lies against your marriage.
I constantly remind myself: This is the life I prayed for. My husband is not the enemy. When I was single, I used to hug my pillow tight, hoping that one day I’d be sharing my bed with someone I love. And now that I’m here, I get to lean into something real. I get to be a major contributor to the success of a lifelong partnership and that thought often puts me at ease.
The Wedding Isn’t the Finish Line
Your wedding day is not the end of the story, it’s the beginning of the real work.
You have to keep the relationship exciting by pursuing each other because passion doesn’t sustain itself.
I’ll never forget what my late grandmother told me when she called me one day after I became a new wife:
“Keep the fire burning, keep the fire burning!” Her words still ring in my soul.
She gave me old-time wisdom about how to have a happy life with my husband. It’s important to wake up each day with a decision to light a spark in your relationship. When you both show up with humility, love, and a willingness to grow, you’ll look back one day and say, “This is better than I ever imagined.”
It Can Be Better Than Good
I’ve heard people—especially believers in Christ—say that they are genuinely happy in their marriages. And I believe them.
Marriage can be more than just good. It can be deeply fulfilling, but only if you’re willing to put in the work. Don’t give up when things get hard or when negative emotions take over. Struggling with those feelings is normal, and facing them is part of learning what marriage is really about.
A strong relationship starts with looking inward and making a commitment to give your best effort. Be prepared to invest in your husband for the long haul. It wont always be easy, but with persistence and shared effort, you’ll see results in time.
The truth about marriage can be difficult to face. I was surprised to learn that it’s not always filled with butterflies and kisses, and that my feelings toward my husband can change. Maybe that surprises you too. But if you’re willing to face that truth, you’ll find the strength you need through God to live out your marriage with grace and endurance.