I asked this question on Instagram: “What is the hardest thing about being single?”
Different answers rolled in — doing laborious tasks alone, sex (or lack thereof), wanting someone to do things with, a fear of rejection, and cost of living — just to name a few.
I struggled with a lot of these same issues when I was single. And believe me when I say, they’re all very tough to navigate. If you are having a hard time with any of these, I want you to know that you are strong. You may doubt yourself sometimes (or a lot), but remember you were made to do hard things and you can do this.
As I continued to scroll through the responses, one comment hit me the hardest: “the worst is the holidays as a single woman”. It broke my heart into pieces. I wish this wasn’t the reality for so many single women, but it is.
Holidays are such a beautiful time of year with family and friends, festivities, lights, gifts, food, joy, smiles, and love. With so much good jam-packed into one season, it makes A LOT of sense that Satan, the enemy of our soul, would use this time of year to make sure we don’t enjoy it. That’s right, I’m calling the enemy out. And you should, too. He wants to make you feel inadequate, sad, and bitter during this time of year.
Let’s get into what I mean. We’ll also talk about how to put up a fight in this battle against the enjoyment of your single life.
I’m gonna help you out, ok? Because I love you and I want to see you take your life back. I can’t do the work for you, but I can write a blog post for surviving the holidays as a single woman to help you dread it just a little bit less.
First Thing First, Call Satan Out
While God is good, Satan is an accuser, liar, stealer, killer, and he rebels against all things good. You can’t believe in God without believing that He has an antithesis; the devil is the direct opposite of purity, holiness and consideration.
Satan wants to project his identity on you and make you think it’s yours. His voice sounds something like this: “I’m always going to be alone. Things are never going to change. No one loves me. I’m a victim.”
Let’s take a look at what the Bible has to say about him:
John 10:10 Satan does not come except to steal, kill, and destroy. But [Jesus] has come that we may have life and have it more abundantly.
1 Peter 5:8 Be alert and of a sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for whom he may devour.
I actually used to be afraid of the devil because he is the consummation of everything evil and dark in this world. But once I experienced the pure love of God, I learned that Satan is nothing in comparison to the might (extreme power, remarkably strong, impressive power) of God, who has delivered us from sin and now lives inside of us, and we in Him.
If you have not experienced the love of God but you’re ready to, find the prayer of salvation here. After that, join a trusted church and read the Word of God to stay in knowledge of who God is, as well as learn how to combat the schemes of the evil one.
Once you realize that there is evil against you and that it incessantly wants you to fail, you should rise up in righteous anger. Nothing’s wrong with you. Your identity is not fear and timidity. Satan is the main culprit. He would love to convince you that you are powerless and purposeless, with no skin in the game.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Ephesians 6:12
Recognize that you have the upper hand against the enemy of your soul. Recognize that he has influence, but he has no authority. As a child of God, use your super weapons — mindset shifts, prayer, the Word of God, community, communication, praise, etc. I can go on and on, but I think you know where I am going.
Can You Feel the Depression in the Air?
Can you feel the depression in the air? I can. During the winter and fall season (October through January), I feel a shift in the atmosphere of sadness and despondency and even, anxiety. When I was single, even though I had a loving family and a new relationship with God, I started to feel grave loneliness as the holidays approached.
For some reason I know that when I feel this way, it’s a sign that I need to start interceding through prayer for someone else. I know that the depression on me does not belong to me, but that someone else is struggling and they don’t know how to get out of it.
Through depression, Satan is trying to make you hate comradery, celebration, happy people (family), and all the good things that come with the holidays. These are all things he cannot enjoy himself and he wants you feel isolated, too. Instead of enjoying the changing season, the cool in the air, the crisp smell of snow, and peace in the air, depression convinces you that winter is too calm and too peaceful.
Related Post: How to be Happy Single or Married
God wants you to be joyful in any season. There’s never a bad time to enjoy doing creative things and loving people. It’s ok to have feelings; trust me, I have my own feelings. But we can’t let them blind us from our blessings and the supernatural power we have to create and enjoy beautiful things.
Pray for Other Single People
Someone out there feels the same way you do and he or she does not know what to do. They are thinking about killing themselves, they don’t have enough money to buy their kids gifts, or they’re grieving. She hates herself. He is sad. And they wish someone could understand them.
But guess what? Someone does understand — you do. You understand because you have been through it or you’re experiencing it now. Pray for the depressed during the holiday season. When I pray for them, I feel a weight lift off me. You may not know the person (or maybe you do) but you can say a general prayer to cover many people, or just the people in your inner circle who are suffering with secret pain.
You can pray something like this:
God, be with the depressed. I pray that their heavy burdens be lifted, that they’re able to enjoy their family and friends this season. If they are struggling with finances, help them not to dig themselves into a bigger hole but to be creative with what they have. I pray for breakthrough during this season with their family. That the children will bring joy, that there will be sincere laughter, and enjoyment of traditions. And I pray that they will seek the perfect peace that only comes from You. In Jesus name. Amen.
Do What Makes You Happy During the Holidays
Maybe you can’t stand the holidays as a single woman because of the false pretenses and all the hoopla that comes with being around family. Maybe it drains you more than it gives you joy. Guess what?! That’s fine! Thanks for being honest with yourself. You don’t have to force yourself to enjoy the holidays the same way everyone else does.
If family overwhelms you, one, limit your time with them (keep it short and sweet), or only stick close to family members that make you the happiest.
Two, create your own holiday as a single woman . I can see you now. On the floor opening gifts with your children or with friends, soft music playing in the background, lounging all day, sipping on hot chocolate with marshmallows, and great conversations (insert chaotic pile of wrapping paper on the floor). It’s just you and your favorite people enjoying your own traditions.
Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Years can look different for you. It doesn’t have to look the same each year. Like seasons change, so do you. What would make you the most joyful during these winter months?
Maybe you want to spend it alone — just you and God. Maybe you’ll binge watch Christmas movies, opening your own gifts to yourself, then Facetime family.
Whatever you do, always include people in your life, even if it’s just a zoom call. It is not good to be completely isolated. Include people is any degree that would make you happy. You can pray for people, deliver Christmas cards to your local senior living facility, call an old friend, or leave gifts on your neighbors’ doorsteps.
Get creative, love on people, reflect on Jesus, but don’t be afraid to do things differently. You were born to stand out and take life by the horns. Combat feelings of loneliness by making a list of all the people you love and who love you.
I am praying that you thrive this holiday season.
How have you coped with surviving the holidays as a single woman in the past? If you have any other helpful coping ideas, please leave it in the comments below. It could save a life.
You are worthy with or without a wedding ring,
Shawandie