What is the purpose of men?
I started this blog to remind women that a wedding ring, or the lack thereof, does not define them. God created us in His image and our purpose is found in Christ, not in getting married.
Women must understand their worth before getting married and actively build a strong sense of identity. I developed both before I got married, and I’m grateful I did. But what do you do when it feels like your spouse doesn’t acknowledge your worth the way you want him to?
The short answer is, whether or not a husband shows appreciation the way you want him to, he still carries God’s image and he has a specific calling as a man. This post helps you recognize his value while we pray, he grows to understand yours.
A Turning Point
On September 4th, 2018, I gave birth for the first time. My daughter, Hadley, was born nearly 3 months early. As she fought to grow in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), my emotions became tender. This isn’t how I imagined our birth plan would go. I couldn’t help but notice that my husband handled this experience differently than I did, and it bothered me. I began to question the purpose of husbands.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Ephesians 5:23-24
I knew God appointed husbands as leaders, yet I struggled to grasp what leadership should look like in a family unit—until the Holy Spirit clarified it for me.
Looking at marriages around me, it seemed women did almost everything. Post-partum hormones had a lot to do with my outlook, but it felt like I constantly needed to relay to my husband how he could help, and resentment crept in.
People often label feelings like hurt and resentment as bad, but they pushed me to deeply explore the purpose of men.
I refused to believe that God created marriage only for men to benefit from everything women do, so I asked God for answers. “Please show me what men are supposed to be doing,” I prayed. “I need to understand the practical ways men lead their wives.”
The Holy Spirit answered. I want to share what He said so you can notice these special qualities in your husband, or future husband.
Here’s what He said:
The Purpose of Men is to Lead with Patience
Would you agree that women have no problems catching an attitude? I know I’m guilty of it. I have no problem giving a “few” choice words to get my point across.
It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
Proverbs 25:24
Men often show a higher tolerance for their wives (and others), then we do for them. Of course, men have limits, and we can eventually exhaust them, but they have a gift of patience towards us.
I have less patience when it comes to dealing with certain day-to-day things, than my husband does. Yes, men may struggle with anger in different areas, but God built them to tolerate their women and love us in a very special way.
Think about Abraham and Sarah from the Bible. Sarah’s personality put Abraham in hard spots quite a few times—persuading him to claim she was his sister, urging him to sleep with her maidservant Hagar, and later pressing him to send his son, Ishmael, away. It seems that Abraham respected her opinion each time, despite their past difficulties. God created men to endure and love their wives.
The Purpose of Men is to Lead with Peace
Women do a lot, but men help put a brake on their busy minds. Personally, I can worry about a lot of things. When I first got married, I couldn’t go to bed if there were dirty dishes in the sink. My husband quickly helped me understand it’s not the end of the world if I don’t clean the kitchen for one night. That brought me so much peace.
And while I worried about our new preemie who was in the hospital, he kept our marriage lively and calm. He constantly reminds me that perfection isn’t the goal.
Men help us to relax about things having to be perfect—the dishes, dinner, being on time to events, having the perfect birth plan. With good leadership, men can turn an anxious Martha into a peaceful Mary.
In Scripture, Martha bustled around to host Jesus, while Mary simply sat at His feet listening. Jesus—a man—praised Mary for choosing what mattered most: being present and at peace.
The Purpose of Men is to Lead with Protection
My husband tells me “No.” He also asks me to apologize to people, and he points out when I’m wrong. He shields me from sin and fulfills his God-given charge to present me as holy and blameless:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”
Ephesians 5:25-27
Aren’t you glad God didn’t give you the responsibility of presenting your husband as holy? God gave that directive to men. They carry the weight of leading their wives and presenting them as holy. Like Adam, they can’t just say “It was the woman you gave me” and avoid all responsibility. God holds them accountable for leading and protecting us from being overtaken by sin.
I correct my husband too, but since women often lead in managing family tasks, it’s easy to become prideful when offering correction—forgetting that we sometimes need it as well. We must give our husbands room to say things like, “Stop,” “Try again,” “That’s not right,” “Apologize to her,” or even “Don’t wear that.” By avoiding his guidance, we risk leading ourselves into destruction.
Husbands carry a greater responsibility in marriage: not only to protect their wives physically, but also to help them remain unblemished.
Living in Purpose
It may appear that men do less but as long as they are doing these three things—being patient, providing peace to the busy woman, and protecting her from sin—they are doing what is required. Pray about their role in the family.
I still value my husband’s help around the house and with the children because we’re teammates. But if he doesn’t contribute equally in nurturing the home, that’s okay—his primary role isn’t to match me in housework or emotions.
Caring for a home and children are things I naturally do best, and they’re a part of my God-given charge of nurturing the family. But his primary task is to give up his life for me, be my eyes when I am busy taking care of the home, provide room for me to grow by being patient with me.
“…train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”
Titus 2:4-5
I stopped asking him to mirror what I do and started asking him to guide me, especially when I feel vulnerable. If your husband falls short in the area of leadership:
- Talk to him.
- Share this post with him.
- And Remember: He answers to God for his own life and shortcomings. And you can’t change him by controlling him.
When men live in their God-given calling, we see the true purpose of men.
Read this related post: Facing the Truth About Marriage: A Christian Perspective