In my previous post about distractions, I mentioned that living with your boyfriend can be a significant distraction in a single woman’s life.
This might surprise some of you, but from my experience as a wife and mother, I understand how living with someone can divide your attention.
When you share your life with someone, you shift your focus from pursuing your own goals and dreams to considering the well-being of others. You spend the time you once dedicated to God ensuring your partner’s needs are met.
Now, let’s address the other side—the benefits people often cite when choosing to live with a boyfriend. Am I changing my stance on cohabitation before marriage? No. But I want to acknowledge why some people choose this path and then I want to offer a thoughtful perspective.
Too often, people make decisions based on these so-called benefits. They don’t realize that their justification can obscure the real potential risks. So, let’s take a look at some common reasons people give for living together before marriage—and why it might need a closer examination.
1. Living with Your Boyfriend to Save Money
With the rising cost of living, it’s understandable why many people consider sharing housing expenses with a partner. It seems like an easy way to ease financial burdens or save money faster. But here’s the truth: even when finances feel tight, God is still our provider. Trusting Him to make a way—whether through finding a better-paying job or managing your budget—can be a more righteous path than settling for a living arrangement that does not align with His will for your life. God always provides, and He can make a way even if you don’t have a roommate.
Consider this. Is the convenience of sharing rent worth the potential complications and distractions it may bring to your spiritual and emotional well-being? In the long run, what’s truly worth more—temporary financial relief or staying aligned with God’s greater purpose for your life?
2. You Don’t Want to Be Alone
I get that! After graduating college in 2012, I came home to a quiet apartment day after day. I longed for someone to come home to. I was used to being surrounded by friends, receiving party invites, and standing too close to the speakers at the club on Saturday nights. Quietness was unfamiliar to me.
I sat in silence as a single woman until I appreciated it. I compared those quiet moments to the lively days ahead when I’d have kids running around, shouting for attention. What once felt like loneliness began to feel like a gift—a time to connect with myself and with God. Even more, I learned to be at peace with my own thoughts.
Think about Jesus. He constantly surrounded Himself with crowds to heal and minister to others. Yet, He prioritized retreating to quiet places to pray and be alone with God.
If you struggle to be alone for any length of time, that might signal that something deeper within you needs attention and healing. Solitude is often the space where we discover the parts of ourselves that need restoration.
3. Help with Household Chores and Maintenance
As women, it’s always nice to have a man around to lend a hand. They’re often stronger and ready to tackle the tasks we dread—like handling repairs or lifting heavy items. I remember countless times bringing in groceries alone or trying to fix things around the house by myself. But looking back, those experiences made me stronger. I became more resourceful and developed a knack for DIY projects and repairing things on my own.
As appealing as it may seem to make compromises for a “better life,” the truth is that the best life comes from trusting God with everything—especially the things you don’t understand, like car repairs or household issues. There were times when I didn’t know how to handle my car, but God always provided the grace, wisdom, and people I needed to get through it. I never truly lacked anything I needed.
So, while help from others is a blessing, ultimately, it’s in trusting God with the challenges of life that we find true provision and strength.
Related Post: God as Your Husband
4. Assistance with Health Insurance
Domestic partners can add each other on their insurance coverages. Domestic partners are typically defined as two people who live together. The specific requirements for how long you must cohabit to qualify as domestic partners vary by state.
The idea of sharing insurance benefits without the commitment of marriage might seem appealing—like getting the milk without the cow. But it’s important to recognize the risks. While it may be convenient to avoid paying for your own insurance, the reality is that without the legal protection marriage provides, you’ll still lack other important rights and protections.
You could be left vulnerable in situations where legal rights are essential. The benefits may seem attractive on the surface, but you must consider the potential consequences of living with your boyfriend.
5. Living With Your Boyfriend As a Test Drive
This idea is often brought up as a benefit of living with your boyfriend, but it’s one of the least practical arguments. There’s no data or evidence to suggest that “testing” a relationship in this way leads to a successful, lasting partnership. If you feel the need to “test drive” someone, it raises the question: do you truly love this person? Are you simply enjoying the experience of trying out different options?
What happens after you’ve “driven” the same car for three years and realize it’s not the right fit for you? In many cases, this method of vetting causes frustration and uncertainty, not clarity. Relationships, unlike cars, shouldn’t be treated as easily replaceable assets.
Vetting a partner doesn’t have to take years or require sexual involvement. And vetting certainly does not require signing a lease.
6. What’s Yours is Mine
I don’t bring up the topic of living with your boyfriend with a judgmental tone, but rather as an opportunity for reflection. Honestly, it could have been me, considering my old standards and lifestyle. I’m genuinely grateful that I was never interested in living with a boyfriend—simply because I loved my personal space too much.
Think about it: you have to share everything—from personal space to food, even those occasional awkward moments that come with living closely together.
What you’re essentially saying to each other is, “What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is yours.” That sounds a lot like marriage to me . You’re completely exposing yourselves to one another, but without the formal commitment.
Thoughts on Delaying Marriage
Not that I fully agree, but my aunt once shared an interesting perspective. She said, “it’s no wonder people take so long to get married or sometimes don’t marry at all. After living together for years, they’ve seen every flaw in their partner, and that can make the idea of an official commitment feel intimidating.”
She made a valid point. Delaying marriage can cause the excitement and novelty of a new relationship to fade more quickly.
Research shows that domestic partners are less likely to save together, dream together, or experience the excitement that often comes with marriage. That sense of newness—what someone once described to me as a “never-ending sleepover”—is one of the joys of marriage. It’s fun! You get to share a space with your best friend, and they never have to go home. They’re stuck with you, and there are no parents telling you what to do. And you get to have fun together in holy matrimony.
I am sure there is just as much excitement living with your boyfriend for the first time. But why not save that feeling for your husband? There’s something uniquely special about sharing that experience once you’ve made a lifelong commitment. Dave Ramsey explains the dangers of delaying marriage.
Waiting For Your Spouse
Shacking-up can feel like a “faux marriage.” Suddenly, the sheets you bought for the bed don’t feel like yours anymore, they’re “ours.” And eventually, it becomes easier to simply “be” together, without any legal acknowledgment. After all, you’re already doing everything married people do, right?
Coming home to your boyfriend every day, bound together by a lease instead of a marriage vow, can blur lines.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic of living with your boyfriend. Please feel free to share your perspective in the comments.