When I think about patience in marriage, I think about standing in line at an amusement park- chomping at the bits to get in front. Standing still is simply not fun.
Your mom, who’s tired of hearing you complain, leans over and says “We’re almost there. Just be patient”.
Patience is a virtue our parents taught us- mainly to get us to stop whining for the moment. Before God “interrupted” my life to teach me about patience, more than likely I would have taught it the same way to my own children.
I also think about how we use the word patience to calm down a friend at an attempt to still their heart. It’s seems like the right, Christian-thing to do.
But the truth of the matter is, patience is sacred. Our typical behavior does not embody the fullness and depth of the meaning of patience. To us, we are being patient if we are standing or sitting in place. Even if our arms are crossed and our foot is tapping, we are being patient as long as we are not pushing our way through the crowd.
Waiting Versus Patience
Waiting and being patient is not the same thing. To wait is simply looking forward to your turn, even if you have an attitude about it.
So, what’s patience? Before I go there. Let me say that patience has taken on a new meaning for me. I no longer see it as a passive word, easy to look over on any page, even the Bible.
I see its strength now. It’s not until we acknowledge its strength that we begin to take it seriously and practice it intentionally in our lives. Whether you learn it before marriage or in marriage — you will be tested in the area of patience.
To be patience means to face problems with a sense of confidence that God is always working on your behalf. It’s believing that He will complete his perfect work in what looks imperfect. Patience is peace residing in us from knowing that we will eventually see results. So instead of boiling over inside with anticipation, we are smiling as we focus on the promises of God being fulfilled in any given situation or person.
Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men.
1 Thessalonians 5:14
Who Do I Need to be Patient With?
The word of God tells us to be patient with everyone. I questioned that- “You mean EVERYONE, God?” Surely, as saved, “sanctified” Christians we are not called to put up with people and their shenanigans. We’re too good for that. And sickness? Oh no, we won’t deal with that. Jesus took stripes on his back for that. And if God doesn’t take this away now, I’m going to throw a temper tantrum until He does.
One of the biggest things that Christians often miss is that our Abba Father is a patient God Himself, and He delights in teaching us His ways. We like to think that we can run from everything or pray everything away. But the truth of the matter is, God is not going to remove every trying situation from you because He knows that it can be used as an opportunity to build you up in patience and faith.
“The testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”
James 1:3–4
One day I tried to pray my sister away as my roommate. I said, “God she gotta go”. To my surprise Holy Spirit responded, “No. You need your feathers ruffled a little bit.” I gasped. Though I was happy to hear from God, how dare He required me to practice what the Bible says?
That’s when I was single, and now as a married woman, I see why I needed that battle back then. It built up my tolerance for when I moved in with my husband.
Patient Like God
There have been other circumstances in my life, even recently, where I threw a temper tantrum at God because things were not lining up with what I thought it should look like. (And I do mean a full-blown temper tantrum like a child.)
But as I allow patience to work through me, I now feel like I am a mature woman in faith. Mature women have logical reasoning, and they know not to bite the hands that feed them. I take pride in being more like my Abba Father. I’m no longer a brat who does not understand that her parents want the best for her, by any means necessary.
Tested in Patience
I noticed my impatience as a mom and wife. We want people to make things convenient for us. We’re too busy to slow down and deal with the weaknesses of a child or the heavy season our husband’s going through. In our hearts we say, “they just need to figure it out and hurry it along.” But, as a child of God, you are that catalyst that they need to become strong.
People in general, not just family and friends, want to know that they are not too much for you and that you’re willing to walk beside them as they figure things out.
So how do we actively practice patience- a seemingly passive word? I knew the Lord was asking me to obey the call to patience. So I asked my friend for help and we came up eight practical ways to act out patience in real life. Who knew we could come up with so many! Pick one or two ideas from the list below and let’s start practicing patience together.
Disclaimer: patience is not something that comes naturally to human beings, we have to allow the Spirit of God to work through our willing hearts. It is only then will we produce fruit that other people can benefit from.
Patience in Marriage means:
1. Not Lashing Out
Lashing out is a sign that we are operating in impatience. Pay attention to see if you are doing this. Learning to “bite your tongue’ is a good start. Allow people to win sometimes. They are still learning and growing. So, for now, meet them where they are.
2. Not Speaking with Your Face
This is me. I may be quiet, but the attitude on my face always give me away. More than we realize, wearing a face of condemnation is still condemning the person in front us. Actually, it can be a form of abuse because we want the other person to know, in some form or the other, that they are wrong or stupid or annoying.
3. Not Being Moved by Details
Sometimes when we have enough details about a situation or person, we let it mentally and spiritually block us from continuing to do the right thing. Remember, no matter what the situation looks like, God is still working, and no person or situation is too hard for Him. No matter what you know, it’s still worth the wait.
For nothing will be impossible with God.
Luke 1:37
4. Slow to Speak, Quick to Listen
James 1:19 calls us to listen a little longer to people. If you are like me, you get a little antsy. Or maybe you listen to respond instead of listening to the other person’s heart. Since we expect God to listen to us when we speak, let’s be that to other people.
5. Letting Others Go First
For example, even if I know my husband takes longer showers, I want to be willing to let him get in first sometimes. Yes, that means having to wait but I no longer want to live a life where I am constantly trying to be first and cut the line. In spite of others’ weaknesses, let them go first, or let them talk first. Be willing to wait a little longer for the sole purpose of living the Gospel and acting out love.
6. Walking Behind Someone
No matter how slow they’re walking, be patient (that’ll preach!) This could mean walking behind an elderly woman or man. Or it can mean walking behind a waddling toddler. Or it can mean accepting your teenager’s pace during their “acting out” stage. Your heart’s posture is ‘I’m staying with you while you figure this out, no matter what it looks like right now.’
7. We’re Willing to Tolerate
When I think about patience, I think a lot in terms of the parent/child dynamic. Many parents will tell you that children pushed their patience to a new level; children demand it. From waking up in the middle of the night, to constant diaper changes and feedings, a messy house, and crying, we are forced to understand that they are still learning; we give up our conveniences to help them through their developmental stages. We can’t let the disgust of dirty diapers stop us from being there for them. The same goes with marriage- in it for the long haul even when it gets stink.
8. Giving Up the Spotlight
It does not matter if I am not the center of attention if it means that the person I love accomplishes what they need to. I don’t mind being in the background while he spills his heart out to me or while he works on a goal.
Being patient in serving someone sounds a lot like Jesus. It’s no secret by now that this article is geared towards Christians filled with the Holy Spirit who aspire to be more like Jesus. When we think about how much God has been patient with us, we should be willing (at least a little bit) to give it to our spouse.
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Romans 5:3–5
Patience in marriage closely correlates with our faith. Though we hate that it has to be this way, patience is only called on during difficult or trying times. Our faith keeps us grounded and helps us persevere. Faith gives us the confidence that God sees us; the patience we give to others matter to Him. Practicing patience will never be wasted effort. We know that things will not always be this way, but what we do until then makes a difference in the outcome.
There’s more power in patience than meets the naked eye. We wish that our efforts would produce immediate results that we can see and begin to glean from. But you can not fully love someone without being genuinely patient with them. We naturally want our needs met first, but patience humbles us while simultaneously building the heart of another person.
You are worthy with or without a wedding ring,
Shawandie