It’s possible to be yourself around others.
Have you ever questioned yourself after spending time with someone? You feel like you just put on an act and you don’t recognize who the character was? Do you try to keep your friends separated out of fear of not knowing how to be yourself around all of them? If the answer to all of these questions is no, this post is not for you. If you’ve answered yes to at least one, read on.
One of the most uncomfortable feelings in the world is acting like someone you are not. Sometimes I feel like I’m the queen of awkwardness, and this blog post isn’t necessarily to make one feel less awkward but to make one feel happy within themselves and comfortable deep down inside about who they truly are.
I may not always have the right thing to say but I reached the point in my life where I do not try to prove myself to anyone the first, or even the second, time around. I have accepted who I am, therefore, I can be just one person — me.
You may have different friends, with different backgrounds, different values, and unique personalities so you find yourself adjusting accordingly, which is understandable. But at the core there should not be a change in who you are. Once you master this, being yourself while dating will be a breeze.
It won’t happen overnight, but here are three things you can start doing today to become more confident in being yourself around others.
“Becoming someone admirable comes with the price of getting uncomfortable first.”
Practice in Private
When you’re by yourself, act how you would like to be in front of other people. Don’t let up and become lackadaisical when you are alone.
Ask yourself this, if my boss could peer into my life would he or she be surprised by what he sees versus how I am in the office? Or what if my friend at church heard me talking like this? If your answer does not bring you discomfort, you are on the right track. If it does, there’s room for change.
Asking this question will help you shuffle your multiple personalities into one, solid person, allowing you to be around just about anyone and still be yourself.
If you struggle with trying to figure out how to be your best, authentic self in public, here’s a tip: practice in the privacy of your home first. This is also a great way to bond with yourself and find what feels comfortable for you.
Here are examples of how to practice at home:
- Do not scoff down your food even if the table is set just for one. If you tend to overthink when you are at dinner with someone, find your right pace in the comfort of your own home.
- Say excuse me when you burp even if no one is around you
- Think positively at home, speak positively in public
- Practice not cursing-like-a-sailor with your best friend if you wouldn’t want to talk like that around your religious leader or your students
Be Yourself by Discovering Your Weaknesses
First and foremost, your reputation with yourself matters the most. We have to live with ourselves forever and always. You are never apart from yourself, so you need to like you before anyone else does.
Not to mention, how you feel about yourself can affect how you treat others and how you present yourself to the world. In order to build your confidence and promote self-love, first you have to identify your insecurities. Get a journal and begin writing the things you are not happy about with yourself. These are usually things that you regret in life or behaviors that are against your values. Find any disconnect between what you do today versus who you ultimately want to be.
Then, you need to listen. Allow a trusted friend or family member to tell you where they see areas of improvement. Trust me! This is not the easiest thing to do or hear. It will be tempting to become defensive, but try to listen and take away what you can from the conversation. Make sure to thank them, too!
I once had an ex-boyfriend who told me that I was a leech. This meant that he perceived me as someone who always depended on other people. Highly offended, I told him I disagreed. But, soon after, God showed me that my ex was on to something. I was indeed selfish. And I used people for my advantage sometimes.
Becoming someone admirable comes with the price of getting uncomfortable first. Be open to identifying your weaknesses so that you can get stronger in those areas.
Get Quiet to Seek and Observe
During your transition of shedding falsities and learning how to be yourself around others, listen more than you talk. Instead of pretending or saying things to impress other people, speak less.
It is better not to respond and look “foolish”, than to betray the most important person in this world — your true self. Sometimes we allow our words and behavior to contradict how we really feel, because we want the immediate (short-lived) reward of being liked by others.
Speaking less leaves less room for regrets later. It’s ok to let other people have the floor for a period of time in your life, while you figure out yourself.
For a season, I became a very quiet person. But when I emerged, there was no questioning of my authenticity. I figured out what was fake and what was truly me.
While you are quiet, observe what you agree with and what you don’t. It is also a great time to seek God’s wisdom (see next point). When we humble ourselves, we are more open to hearing God’s best concerning our lives.
Close the Gap
When you find that you are angry around a certain person though you are typically a happy person or you find that you become a people pleaser around a certain group of people, seek God or trusted counsel to learn how to close that gap. I define wisdom as the best solution to your problem.
Freeing yourself from letting someone dictate your behavior and attitude, could be one conversation away . Wisdom may tell you to sit and talk with that person to get better understanding.
“If there’s a [personality] conflict, it’s because of a lack of wisdom.”
Dr. Jeana Tomlinson
You’re Going to Mess Up, Still Be Yourself
It’s ok to mess up, everyone does. But you are still called to be yourself around others. Once in a while, I say a curse word (my husband’s friends won’t believe this about me).
The goal isn’t to be perfect in front of everyone. The goal is to be comfortable with your flaws which will inspire others to show theirs. Few things suck more than trying to manage two or more different people inside of you. You are sure to lose your true self this way. You were made to be one person, always.
Your mind, body, and spirit desire to know each other and be in sync. To have all parts of yourself agreeing with each other and not changing from situation to situation, is truly one of the best feelings in the world!
Being yourself is a superpower. Even at the expense of some people not liking you, you gain more authentic and lasting relationships.
Is there a person that changes your attitude when you come in contact with them? Have you struggled with multiple personalities before? Have you lost who you are among your friends and other influences? Which of these tips will you start practicing today to learn how to be yourself around others?
You are worthy with or without a wedding ring,
Shawandie