Are you ready for marriage?
It’s easy to dream about having a husband, but there will come a time in your single life when you start thinking about what it would actually take to be a good wife to your “dream” husband.
If you haven’t thought about what role you would need to play to have a successful relationship, you are probably stuck in a fantasy world that says picture-perfect relationships happen without effort.
Once I came out of my own daze, I realized that the life I wanted and the life I thought I deserved were polar opposites of each other. Catching men at the club, showing off my body, and being selfish was not exactly how I wanted to present myself to my future husband. So, I made the brave decision to stop that cycle and start something new — a lifestyle that was less compulsive and more intentional towards personal growth and self-awareness.
Do I Need to be Perfect to Get Married?
If you know you want to be married and you’re wondering if marriage is something you are ready for, below is a litmus test that will help you determine if you’re ready for marriage or not. However, like becoming a parent, no one can be fully prepared. A lot of things you’ll have to learn as you go.
Use the list below to make note of things that you would like to begin working on while you’re single.
The good news is, you don’t have to make a certain amount of money or be the best cook to be successful in marriage. It’s not about your skills, your physical attributes or even your personality flaws (we all have them). It’s about the condition of your soul and your willingness to be there for someone else and fight for something good.
No one is perfect. And if you think you are, being married will quickly teach you otherwise. But if you start working on yourself — becoming someone that you are happy with — marriage will only be an extra bonus to your life.
I posted this question on Facebook: “What are the signs that someone is not ready for marriage?” A lot of great answers came in. I heard from single people and married people alike and I added a few of my own based on my personal experience as a young wife. These concepts apply to both men and women!
Use this list to evaluate where you stand and what you would like to start working on.
You may not be ready for marriage if:
1. You want to be married to get your mom off your back. You’re tired of her, and other family members, asking you when you’re going to get married.
2. New flings make you excited. You have a wandering eye for new opportunities (people), and you get bored quickly with one person.
3. You live for attention from other people. If no one is saying something good about you, you feel insecure about yourself.
4. You do not have money goals. If your future husband asked you “what are your financial plans”, or “what do you spend your money on and why”, can you answer? — Deidra
5. You don’t know how to be yourself outside of being with other people; it’s uncomfortable to be alone. You constantly need someone to be with you because you can’t sit with yourself. -Alex
6. You do not know how to control your emotions. Marriage certainly invokes a lot of big feelings — good and bad. Emotional Intelligence gives you the ability to understand and process your feelings in a positive way. -Alex
7. You think you are perfect. Do you know your strengths and weaknesses? Have you come to realize that you do not know everything? It is the only way you will be able to accept someone with their own flaws. -Armonia
8. You don’t have standards. Your boundaries prevent you from being taken advantage of by your spouse. -Armonia
9. You can’t show mercy. Are you willing to forgive and even give in sometimes?
10. You do not hold marriage as sacred. If marriage is nothing but paper to you, divorce will be too.
11. You do not know how to speak in a sweet tone. Your words are always harsh. You say it’s because you are “being real” but it’s a sign of immaturity. -Candice
12. You are always a victim. When you blame other people from your past for who you are today, you will also blame your husband when things go wrong with you. In this journal, you get to blame everyone that has ever hurt you in the past, then you have to release them.
13. You belittle men. What if your husband lost his job? Can he safely tell you that he needs help, without you looking down on him? -Candice
14. You have commitment issues. For goodness sake, don’t marry the man if you can’t even see yourself with him in 6 months.
15. You want everything to be 50/50. Your strengths and weaknesses will balance out his, vice versa. He can’t always do what you can and sometimes one person will be stronger than the other. Just give 100% of yourself. -Armonia
16. You feel lonely. Your voids need to be filled with Jesus, not men. People will always disappoint you; Jesus is always the same and He’s the only sure thing in this world. Therefore, seek Him before getting married so that you’ll always have a sure thing no matter what happens in marriage. -Cathy
Related post: How God Can Be Your Husband
17. God is not your source of happiness and hope. You do not seek God’s will for your life, and you want marriage to be your be-all and end-all; it can’t be that. -Appy
18. You have poor behavior as a single woman. Manners and discretion do not magically appear when you get married. -Appy
19. No self-discipline. Do you know how to tell yourself to stop spending, or stop littering, or stop gossiping, or stop overindulging? You must know how to listen to yourself first.-Deidra
20. You do not know how to keep a home in decent order. Do you know how to manage your living space? Put dinner on a table for yourself? And keep clutter from taking over your life?
21. You have not enjoyed your single life. Can you say you are happy with how you used your single life? Can you move forward being a wife without any regrets? You must move into marriage free and satisfied.
22. You live a double life. You can be a different person depending on where you are and who you are with.
Read How to be Yourself Around Anyone
23. You’re not over your ex or exes. Soul ties and trauma bonds bring other people into your marriage. Closure from past relationships is so important.
24. Your personal interest (shopping, video games, photography) trumps your ability to show affection. When you overindulge in hobbies while sacrificing the growth of your marriage, you are putting your spouse on the backburner and neglecting your marriage.
25. You do not know your worth. You don’t understand how valuable you are, how beautiful you are, how precious you are, and that you deserve to be happy with the right one. -Appy
How Did You Do?
You are a valuable gem: Godly Woman Enjoying the Magnificence of Singleness.
Do not sell your worth short. Don’t jump the broom at the wrong time for the wrong person. Marriage is absolutely beautiful, but it’s also full of complexities. A successful marriage is possible only when both parties are aware of what they bring to the table.
When a man and woman get married, they are pledging loyalty and a promise to enhance the life of the other. Take your time and be happy with you, first. You are ready for marriage when you are grounded in yourself with extra love to give to someone else.
Are you ready for marriage? What do you want to start working on today?
You are worthy with or without a wedding ring, Shawandie